This past year has been one of growth and numerous
changes in my life. Last December, I was living a
lonely life. I felt as though I was unworthy of love
and I certainly didn’t feel as though anyone would or
could find me sexy or desirable. I had separated and
divorced my husband of 10 years and my life was work,
school and raising my children. I had delved into a
life of fantasy and was desperately trying to find my
way back to reality. Fortunately, I found an ad in
the local Pennysaver for a Party for Big, Beautiful
I wanted to attend the party, but I had never been
good at meeting new people. I was a bit quiet and
shy. *Yes, for those who know me now, that is rather
difficult to believe!!* As the date approached, I
made a promise to myself to go and see if I could find
ANYONE else out there who could relate to my life.
Being the largest person I knew, I had no one to
discuss how I felt or who I thought would understand
my problems.
So, on Dec. 12, 1998, I fixed my covered dish
casserole and drove to Winter Springs with a whole
flock of butterflies in my stomach. When I arrived,
there were several others already there and I was
immediately welcomed by the host and hostess, Tom and
Alexis. I found a seat in the corner of the living
room and began to look around. I found myself
surrounded by women JUST LIKE ME!! But even more
astounding was the fact that there were quite a few
men who were smiling and seemed to genuinely enjoy
meeting all of us.
I met some really nice people and had a great
time and made my plans to return on New Years Eve. I
arranged for an overnight sitter and even came up with
a new, "daring" outfit. It was a pair of slacks with a
tank top under a sheer black blouse. For me, this was
SEXY!! I had been used to dressing like Ma Walton on
I started going to the BABE parties regularly,
and I found the world of BBW's online. There were chat
rooms, lists and groups of women just like me, and
MANY, MANY men who thought we were gorgeous!! As my
list of new friends grew, so did my self-esteem.

I began to walk a little prouder and look at
myself in a whole new light. I found that I could be
happy with who I am and not ashamed. I began to date
and within months, I put in for a job promotion.
Everyone was noticing the difference in my attitude. I
was no longer the shy, quiet woman who had arrived at
the first BABE party, I was a confident, proud woman
who wanted everyone to know that beauty does indeed
come from WITHIN, and sexy is mostly an attitude.

The world is still full of judgemental people who
will try to make us feel like second class citizens
because they only 'see' the outer shell, but I think
that each of us can help to make a change in the world
by accepting OURSELVES. After all, how can anyone else
'see' the REAL us if we keep it hidden? I am living
my life as a much happier person, and I hope that
maybe just one other lonely woman will see in me what
life has to offer ALL of us.


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